“I love you, but I’m not in love with you” have to be ten of the most difficult words to
hear from your spouse, yet more and more men every day are hearing these exact words
from their wife. And with the utterance of these words, most men go into a tail spin.
Security and self-confidence give way to fear and anxiety about the future. The man who
felt loved and respected a few hours before now feels rejected and even disdained.
The common reaction most men have to their wife’s announcement is to panic. He tries
to reason with her, plead with her, and pursue her. If she doesn’t feel ‘in love’ then
he’s going to do everything in his power to make her feel that way again. He brings her
flowers, showers her with gifts, writes her love poems, suggests they get away for a
romantic get-away, or insists she accompany him to marriage counseling. When all of his
efforts turn out to be in vain, he gets angry…yet remains desperate to get her to love him
again.
Does this sound all too familiar? Are you ready to give up? Not sure what to do next?
Stop pleading and pursuing! Her mind is made up and you’re just making matters worse.
If a co-worker started speaking to you a few inches from your face, your natural reaction
would be to back up, right? Well, the same is true for your spouse. The more you “get in
her face,” the more she pulls away.
Maybe you remember that girlfriend you had in college who wouldn’t stop calling you
after you broke up with her? She wrote you notes and showed up at your basketball
practices. She baked you cookies. She talked to your friends and tried to get them to help
her get you back. Did it help or make you want to hang your head over a toilet? Well,
that’s what you’ve been doing to your wife and it’s not a pretty sight.
You don’t want her pity; you want her love and your current methods aren’t working. It’s
time to be tough. It’s time to pull back and act a little indifferent. It’s time to regain your
self-confidence and stop acting so insecure. Realize that you don’t need her in order to be
happy and lead a fulfilling life. She is not the air you breathe. You can survive without
her. This recognition alone will help put you in a better frame of mind and actually make
you more attractive to her – whether she’d be willing to admit it or not.
Self-respect is critical if you’re going to have any hope of reconciliation. Set healthy
boundaries for yourself so that you don’t allow her to walk all over you. Give her time
and space to face her personal issues so that she will eventually realize that you’re not
the cause of her discontentment. Work on yourself in the meantime so that you will be
ready when the time comes. The two of you can then move toward each other instead of
blaming one another. It will never happen though if you don’t stop chasing her and start
treating yourself with respect.
Survive Your Wife’s Midlife Crisis
Your guide to recognizing the signs of a midlife crisis, learning what actions to take and which ones to avoid, how to identify an affair and respond to a request for a separation or divorce, and determine how and when to reconcile – while staying sane through the process.
Author: Christine Schaap
eBook $37
Path Partners